Just a idiot..

 Was missing you today a lot, I don't know why? May be miss is not the right word. I was remembering you today sahi rahega. Miss toh use karte joh ho, joh tha usko toh yaad kiya jata hai. I will write a hundred times I don't know why but I guess main toh tumhara bankar hi reh gaya. Kya karu, mann karta hai chilau tumhara naam. Maybe tum yaad karlo. You know  what I was thinking maybe I thinka hundred times a day agar yeh nahi hota toh ya woh naho hota toh, par I guess I jus couldn't help myself I submered myself in you way too much and way too early I guess. Ab bahar aa toh naho sakta. I fel there are parts of me that will always be yours. Maybe I felt I belonged to you. I didn't take any action to get you back, maybe because I neve I would have to get you back. Maybe I was too sure ki tum bhi mere hi ho. Maybe because I am lonely tabhi yahan baitha hoon tumhari yaadon ko haath mein liye. You know what happened I just didn't have any control over it I felt it was happening everything and I couldn't do anything. I got so scared I shut myself down. I dont' know maybe I didn't ty maybe you also feel that. But I tried , I tried everything and in the end of it all I was a person even I hated. After that I bottled up never show your emotions to anyone, never want to be free, never tell anyone how you feel, just keep a happy face on, smile maybe say a few jokes and keep myself hidden. I wonder why I so bad, by the end of it I knew Iwas bad. I was ready to do anyhing to keepyou but that wasn't correct. Nothing was correct, I still get flashbacks of us on bridge fighting, just fighitng, with you, with me and with everything. I was trying so hard to hold onto something that it just shattered. Maybe that was the reason I didn't come, I knew I would just forget myself in you, because I loved you that much I guess, I wanted to spend every second with you, I still do want to spend my time with you to be honest but I guess I am like that wax just gets lost in the flame, or the river that just disappear into the ocean. I guess its alright now, I love from afar, not seeing you, not hearing you, just like the water that looses its identity in the ocean, I guess I just ride along with you, somewhere lost. Its like the story of the moon and earth for me, Moon can't come to earth , it just spins around it for far but always longing, admiring for earth. Its lonely for me I know but I guess thats the best I could do. I dont know a lot about me and I have many maybes in my life. But I know for sure I love you still and  will love you...