Just a idiot..

 Was missing you today a lot, I don't know why? May be miss is not the right word. I was remembering you today sahi rahega. Miss toh use karte joh ho, joh tha usko toh yaad kiya jata hai. I will write a hundred times I don't know why but I guess main toh tumhara bankar hi reh gaya. Kya karu, mann karta hai chilau tumhara naam. Maybe tum yaad karlo. You know  what I was thinking maybe I thinka hundred times a day agar yeh nahi hota toh ya woh naho hota toh, par I guess I jus couldn't help myself I submered myself in you way too much and way too early I guess. Ab bahar aa toh naho sakta. I fel there are parts of me that will always be yours. Maybe I felt I belonged to you. I didn't take any action to get you back, maybe because I neve I would have to get you back. Maybe I was too sure ki tum bhi mere hi ho. Maybe because I am lonely tabhi yahan baitha hoon tumhari yaadon ko haath mein liye. You know what happened I just didn't have any control over it I felt it was happening everything and I couldn't do anything. I got so scared I shut myself down. I dont' know maybe I didn't ty maybe you also feel that. But I tried , I tried everything and in the end of it all I was a person even I hated. After that I bottled up never show your emotions to anyone, never want to be free, never tell anyone how you feel, just keep a happy face on, smile maybe say a few jokes and keep myself hidden. I wonder why I so bad, by the end of it I knew Iwas bad. I was ready to do anyhing to keepyou but that wasn't correct. Nothing was correct, I still get flashbacks of us on bridge fighting, just fighitng, with you, with me and with everything. I was trying so hard to hold onto something that it just shattered. Maybe that was the reason I didn't come, I knew I would just forget myself in you, because I loved you that much I guess, I wanted to spend every second with you, I still do want to spend my time with you to be honest but I guess I am like that wax just gets lost in the flame, or the river that just disappear into the ocean. I guess its alright now, I love from afar, not seeing you, not hearing you, just like the water that looses its identity in the ocean, I guess I just ride along with you, somewhere lost. Its like the story of the moon and earth for me, Moon can't come to earth , it just spins around it for far but always longing, admiring for earth. Its lonely for me I know but I guess thats the best I could do. I dont know a lot about me and I have many maybes in my life. But I know for sure I love you still and  will love you...

bass..

 Bahut yaad aa rahi thi aaj, why felt so sad today I don't know but itna mann ka raha tha awaz sunne kaa. Itna mann kiya ek message kardu, but number ko whatsapp par dalke dekhta raha.  Itna kyun yaad aata hai mereko nahi samjh aaa. Itna toh dur ho gaya hon aur kya karu. Mereko pata hai u don't feel anything and I respect that, main hi pagal hoon bass. Its been more than 2 years since your last message par aaj laga ek message ayega pata nahi kyun. Aur kya karumain. 

Aisa bhi hota hai kisi ke liye khush bhi raho usse shikayat bhi ho. Par shikayat kisse. Joh hai hi nahi. 3 saal ho gyae fucking every night tumhaa chehra naa dekhu toh neend ab bhi nahi aati hai. Ab bhi kisi raat aankhon se yaad girti hai. Ab bhi subha kaa phela naam tumahara kyun aata hai dimag mein bina soche. Tumse baat band kar di itna dur ho gaya. Call karu toh tumhari 2 minute awaz sunkar hi kum sukoon milta. Kyun ab bhi. Bass khush ho tum sochkar khud ko rokh leta hoon. aki dubara tumare rone ki wajah naa banu. AUr kya karu bass khush tumhe dekhkar dur h jaa hoon. Mujhe pata hai tum bhul jaogi, maybe bass oh mera call hi tumhe meri yaad dilata hia. Woh bhi band ho jayega. Kyun bura bhi lagta hai ki bhul jaogi tum mujhe. Bass ek buri yaad banke reh jaunga main tumhare liye joh dheere dheere gayab ho chuki hai. 

Kash ek baar bulati tum bass yahi reh jayega par woh gam bhi mera hoga sirf, tumhe woh nii satayega.Pata nahi konsa word sahi likha hai konsa galat, konsa tum padne hi aaogi ab. Ab yeh jagah bhi bass meri yaad hai shayad. Chahta toh ain yahi tha naa ki khush ho jao tum mere bina bhul jao meri buri yaadien. Ab jab ho gya hai woh kun dard hota hai mujhko, kyu . Pata nahi tumhari yaadien hai bass aur unke saath mein. Kabhi kabhi mann karta hai cheeku chilau tumahara naam shayd tum yaad karlo. 

Chalo chalta hoon main, ab toh yeh blog hai tumari meri yaadon ki nishani aur main. Lagta hai iske saath sounga aaj kal aur roz jaise kar raha hoon 3 saal se. Kitna mann karta hai jab call karta hoon kabhi bolo tum rukh jao thodi aur baat karlo, par sach toh yahi hai aisa kabhi hoga naho aur shyad jab main karna band kar dunga tumara nahi aayea I know this, bura lagta hai but tum khush ho naa toh tab sahi hai..