If you are reading this Anji. I have a request please read the full letter. You are an amazing girl. The most beautiful girl I knew with a even more beautiful heart. I don't know ask you to believe me. But I am writing the truth here. Tumhari kasam.
You know in November we were having fights. You were not sure what I will do in 9-10 months. You told me if nothing happened you will stop being with me. I sat and I realised something. I love you and till you are here I will give up anything to make you smile. I was ready to give up my dream of having my own company. I was looking for government jobs. If i had taken that path u and I would have been together. But I would have been a failure. I won't be able to fulfil any promises nor fulfil my dream. I wouldn't have been able to give you a life you deserved.
I don't have a house not money. I know if I have any chance to win over your family its with house and money. I didn't have any. What will happen if suddenly in 2018 we had to talk about us. If your family found out. Humara kya hota. Tum mere se alag ni reh pati naa main tumse. Dono marte ek dusre liye. I knew before I chase my dream. I wanted you to hate me taki even if you loose me you will only think of me as a dump mistake and nothing else. I would cry every night thinking I have to get away from yo. I made myself strong each day. Because I knew what I had to do. So at least you have a happy future. I was hurt a lot when even you knew I was acting strange getting in fights. But you just thought I am a psycho. You never tried to find out. That told me u have started hating me. I was said psycho best friend se beizziti chakshu wala I didnt expect. But I guess what done is done.
I thought alag ho jaunga toh phir itni mehnat karunga taki jaldi se jaldi tumhare ko sab kuch de saku. Taki jaldi se jaldi tumko dubara hug kar saku. Taki tumko dubara apna bol saku. Lekin meri jaan hamesha tumahre andar hi rahegi.
Alag hoke tumko bhi baadme dukh nii hota ki itne pyaar karne wale ko choda. Tum nafrat itni karti ho khush hoti hogi bach gayi main. So itna socha par weak itna hu naa tumhare liye. Ladta phir dodkar tumhare pass aake tumhare pass rehne kaa try karta. Then I did
I decided in November I have get away from you if I ever have a chance to be with you and fulfil all promises. I had to follow my dreams. and I wanted you. I wanted you to be part of my dream.
But I knew if I have you at stakes I would have compromised with everything. Just to be with you. You wouldn't have liked that man. Hell I would have hated me.
I decided in November I have to make distance from you. But how I couldn't even live without you. I knew you hated when I become depressed and sad. I became that. I became needy. The time you were in wedding I knew if I create a scene you would hate me. But I am so weak. Even before hurting you even after I couldn't see. I was so afraid to loose you. I came crawling back in. Those tears of yours all of them haunt me. Shaadi ke time lada taki wahan log bole kaise bande ke saath hai and tumhe purani saari ladai yaad aa jaye. Metro mein I was crying not because I had depression But because I knew what I was doing I knew you would hate me so much. I didn't wanted to hated by you. Then thoda theek hua then I made an issue out of nothing you got more made. I knew ek hi baat baar baar karne se you become mad and you did. Next day in chennai when u told me sab khatam ho chuka hai I knew it is all over. I cried every night in December . But we were talking and I know hum baat karte rehte 2-3 weeks sab sahi ho jata but I know I had to set you free. I called when u were at home I didnt know bhai hoga. That was my fault. Then I knew tum akele handle nii kar payega. I made a scene in office then they also knew I am a bad guy and they would have helped you. The only thing remaining was the phone with all the memories and your no. which I couldn't forget. I came that day to irritate you. But I couldn't I ended up crying couldn't do it face to face. Then I saw you on bridge I irritated you. There in front you my eyes you destroyed everything you have of us in 3 years. Then I knew atleast you wont be living in past watching old pics. Even though I knew you would hate me to my core. I still wanted to hug you and tell you everything right there. But I couldn't. I went home I had to tell someone someone. I messaged savi. Told her asked her to take care of you. Then one day I got your new no in my contact list. It was a moment of weakness. I didn't want to contact you. So I called you all my emotions were saying tell her the truth tell her. But all that came out was anger. Anger as why I have to give up my life? Why I had to make you go away? U blocked me so I did one last thing made you block all my nos so even if I wanted I couldn't contact again. Dhamki even you know I wont come to your house to ruin your future please. U know better than that. I spent one week after that without listenting to your voice. I am cracked I can't live without hearing your voice. Now I have made you go away. The only thing revolves in my mind is will you even wait for me? Will you be there when I finally become capable enough to keep all my promises. Will you wait till August 10th. Ever since you are gone I think about. I miss you. Its my only motivation to work and work. To give you a great life. I thought after going and getting blocked I will come after 6 months making something of me. But even ek week awaz nahi suni I got so anxious and moday when u called to tell me about baby. It was good morning after a really really long time. I cant do without you. You hating me is one thing erasing me from your life. I am the reason you had to do it. But seeing it as reality. I dont want to erased.
Even if you don't want me ever. I know I wouldn't love anyone ever again. I will always love you. I will always love you. Those three years I will cherish them forever. I want to live my whole life with you. I needed 8 months to make something of myself. To give you a lifetime of happiness. Even though I know leaving you like this hating me. Merese alag hone mein acha lagega tumko. I will come back in August until then even sometimes if I get to hear your voice even gussa karte hue hi. I would consider that day lucky. After that you want me thats good. If not I have three years of memories pics videos voice. I will live with them. I love you and I will only love you. You can hate me all you want. You dont even have to believe a single word. Its your choice. And the answer is no I dont want to be with you till I am able to give you all that you deserve. Hope you wait for me. Thats all I do hope and pray.
